Reflecting on my personal growth mentally and spiritually, it came to my realization that it became most evident during the times I created boundaries for myself.

Most of my life I’ve been one to keep the peace and guilty of being the “people pleaser”. During time of self-realization truly being with the self I had the opportunity to understand the things that make me happy, what I agree or disagree with, and when I feel most at peace. These were a base to learning how to build my boundaries.

I can admit I am very much an empath, where I have high sensitivity to what someone might be feeling and care for the way of what they think of me or how they might feel. It very much is a blessing but also has gotten in the way of making the decisions I truly wanted to make in life creating unhealthy environments for me.

Think of being invited to a party you really don’t want to go to but your friend really wants you to go with them, you feel for them and go anyway, have a mediocre time, drink more to not think about how much you don’t want to be there and wake up with a late start to the day, a lot of projects to get done, and a fat headache...that used to be me. It may have benefited your friend in having a great time, but in what ways did it help you?

Being the “nice” one, I never wanted conflict between anyone, because I always wanted peace with everyone and tried to be understanding and supportive of their point of view. Over time I realized it was creating a toxic environment for me, because I was creating a surrounding where I would set aside the way I felt or valued aside, all in the cost of someone else’s comfort, which gradually created resentment inside of myself, but I always tried to cover it up masking how I truly felt with a smile thinking that it would solve everything. This could be the reason why some of the nicest of people get the shorter end of the stick, because they can be building within someone else’s boundaries, leaving behind their own.

It still is a work in progress, but I find myself more at peace when I take time to evaluate if a decision before me and the actions people offer me is something I agree with. If not, there is nothing wrong with saying “No.” for its a step in to affirming our personal boundaries. Without building our boundaries it lets others build it the way they want, which creates an unstable foundation of catering to our self wants, worth and value for ourselves in the long run.

We are not responsible for the reactions of others.

To empaths like me, it may be difficult, but it won’t hurt to make gradual effort to be more assertive when it comes to sticking to our boundaries. We might find ourselves being an instrument to someone’s life lesson, strengthen our respect for self and overall meet inner peace as we attract the things we truly desire.

Approach with communication and grace, since we may not understand the history of another’s thoughts. Simply, if it isn’t something we don’t want to partake in, communicate with grace, and if the person before us proceeds to step over our boundaries, we have the choice to leave the party. The longer we stay to explain ourselves the more we doubt our boundaries.

Looking back at who I was even as much as a year ago, I realize immense inner growth while vocalizing my wants and needs especially to those who in the past have taken advantage of what I offered as “being nice”. If you aren’t used to it, it may feel uncomfortable at first when needing to make your boundaries known but as long as you understand why that is and communicate that, the right people will stay and respect you for it.

We have the ability to control how we react towards the universe. Simply, if it doesn’t serve “me”, let it go and be at peace. We owe it to ourselves.